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Mystical Throat Lozenge
Of The Alps
Appearing as a normal, mentholated throat lozenge, the Mystical Throat
Lozenge Of The Alps is found hiding amongst numerous others mundane lozenges
in a package of Ricola. Once inserted into the mouth, the Mystical
Throat Lozenge Of The Alps is a royal pain in the ass to get rid of.
It cannot be spat out, swallowed, or removed by physical means, insisting
on providing an eternal soothing, vaporous sensation. The only way
to actually rid oneself of the Mystical Throat Lozenge is to travel to
the Swiss Alps and spit it out there. The lozenge will then roll
in the direction of the nearest Ricola factory where it will sneak into
another pack of lozenges and continue its cycle.
The only benefits of being cursed with this object is the fact that
you will never, ever get a cold or sore throat. Ever. Also,
your breath will smell rather fresh. Other than these advantages,
the Mystical Throat Lozenge Of The Alps simply makes the "sucker" look
rather ignorant at dinner parties and while giving speeches.
Ancient Optical Chip
The Ancient Optical Chip is a marvel of ancient Greek aesthetic design
and modern technology, with a casing made from intricately inscribed gold
and brass and a chip construct containing state of the art bio-optical
memory. The inscription is in the form of an androgynous human with
a chip jammed in its forehead and smoke coming out of its ears. Carbon-dating
computers have placed the chip's age at over 5,000 years, apparently not
realizing that such a deduction doesn't make any sense. The chip
also appears to be charmed in such a way that anybody holding it feels
an overpowering desire to insert it into the nearest available chip port.
Imprinted on the chip is a 200 minute loop of late 20th century Yoko
Ono music and, once inserted into a chip playing device, it will not stop
playing until the device is destroyed via hydrochloric acid. (Pity
the person who places it in their data or chip jack.)
The only way to actually destroy the Ancient Optical Chip itself is
to curse at it in ancient Greek for a minimum of 5 minutes. |
