Now That's Fancy!
(Lifestyle)

"Tune in and find out the next greatest trends in fashion and home! Wendel and Wendy scour the city for the fanciest of the fancy. From lamps to linin, discover the next hot item! Now that’s fancy!"

Now That’s Fancy! has a devoted audience to say the least. Tens of millions watch, mouths agape in anticipation, as Wendel and Wendy, twin elves, visit everything from boutiques to pawn shops for that episode’s ‘fancy’ item. And what determines what’s fancy? Those who take the program at face value say it is the hosts' tastes and opinions that make the determination. But while maintaining their classy demeanor and expert descriptions the hosts are receiving message after message, offer after offer, from a variety of major corporations looking to elevate their own product. Since the show is aired live, Wendell and Wendy are somehow able to process this information cybernetically while still maintaining their composure during the show. And while they will throw in the occasional item that is in fact selected by leveraging their real life actuarial abilities, a vast majority of the products eventually chosen as a result of a manic, behind the scenes bidding war.

And on the other side of the equation, you have the fans. When something is declared fancy, they want it. Like, NOW. Even if a corporation knows they won the bidding war, they can’t exactly start cranking out tons of the selected product until it is announced. This creates a very short gap between available supply and demand, during which fans of the show, many of them upper-class citizens, will spend ridiculous amounts of money and resources to acquire the item. And in the off chance the item chosen is from a pawnshop or in finite supply, devotees will sometimes go so far as to hire thugs or even teams of shadowrunners to acquire this item. Runners have been well-paid and face considerable risk, as those who already possess that item become will go absolutely monkey shit to protect it.

Jesus Motherfucking Christ!
(Evangelical)

"And Jesus, our Lord, came down from heaven and declared us to not be worth saving! He said, fuck this, and returned to heaven, leaving us sinners to clean up our mess ourselves! And that’s what the devoted are here to do: Clean up sin, so when Jesus checks in again, we will win!"

Having only really nailed down that Jesus will be returning on a Thursday, Jesus Motherfucking Christ! is mostly hot air as disgruntled 70 year olds describe elaborate and detailed scenarios for cleaning up sin. And these solutions are detailed and hard core. From bombing to bioweapons, the hosts provide schematics, formulas, timetables and everything else one would need to execute a successful attack. And what’s really scary is the accuracy of the information, providing and indicator to the real possibility that these bleating nutjobs were, or are, professionals in their highlighted industries. Considering the information provided, while detailed, could eventually be cobbled together after a romp around Google, authorities have had little legal leverage in shutting the show down. And with the execution of Jesus Motherfucking Christ! (sorry) scenarios resulting in no more damage than the typical bullshit law enforcement faces every day, they’re pretty much written off.

Corporations, however, LOVE Jesus Motherfucking Christ! (The show this time, not necessarily the guy.) Security services monitor the show with the hopes that their compound or office will be featured so they can ramp up security and wait for some idiot to actually try to execute the plan. Since the information provided by the show is often time sensitive, the attempt, if any, generally comes within a few days, or even hours, after the show is streamed. The best way to understand the results is to watch a separate show, SecVid Today to see publically released footage of compounds being attacked by ill meaning rednecks in the wrong color camo who, while executing the plan well, are no match for the 20 extra guards posted for the occasion.