Welcome to another wonderful, glorious, stupendous, amazing, astounding, revealing, regurgitating, repulsing, revolting edition of Midnight Music Meltdown. Tonight we're running five by nine on some frequency I can never quite remember, but I'm pretty sure it has a nine in it somewhere. Special guests tonight include absolutely nobody because the plane they were taking strayed momentarily into Pueblo airspace and, well, what's left of our special guests could now fit into a cereal box. But such incidents of mass celebrity death have never stopped a broadcast before and it isn't going to stop one now, unless I think of something better to do, like going to the track or the bathroom. But right now it's time for The Midnight Music Meltdown.

Appearing tonight at the Alabaster Maiden is some magical group I really hate because they don't really know how to play and just sit around looking constipated, or centering or whatever they call it. The grand finally of their two hours of sitar sounding bull drek involves the levitation of selected audience members, an act which still lives on despite the unfortunate ceiling fan incident which occurred a few weeks back.

On a brighter note, Davie Damnation and his Cadre of Rotting Corpses is appearing at Bob's Booze and Bazookas, assuming the joint is still around because I heard that Bob placed 75k on a horse named Half Ass which, surprise surprise, made it exactly fifty percent through the race before it decided to stop and take a dump in the middle of track five. Also appearing at Bob's, barring unforeseen chest wounds, is the Liquored Up Eleven, a five member band who plays their instruments entirely with their genitals. Wish I could be there but I have my own grizzly death to attend.

Speaking of Grizzly Death, they'll be playing the Five and Dime in Renton. I spoke with Ernest Grizzly earlier this week for about five whole seconds before he bashed me in the face with the butt of a Warhawk because he thought I was making fun of his name. Last time I make an Ernest Goes To Hell movie reference.

Also on the cutting board this evening is the acoustic guitar trio known as Duh, a band so incredibly stupid that they had to abandon synth instruments because they couldn't figure out how to plug them in. Not that they're much better with acoustics. Mainly they just sit around looking confused, the occasional band member plucking a string thus sending the rest into a temporary flail of noise before they forget that they are the ones playing and end up banging into each other while looking for a place to hide from the demonic beings who have taken over their instruments.

Get Bent will be appearing once again at The Tangled Angel which isn't all that special unless you take into account the fact that all five band members have been dead for over twenty years. When I asked their manager how this is possible he simply waved and muttered "clever animatronics" and continued to wave and give me a scary fixed stare until I decided to leave. On the way out I bumped into Jasmine Kay who informed me that her band Five Rather Attractive People And One Really Ugly Hermaphrodite Named Steve would sooner eat a sponge soaked in dog urine than ever play a Seattle location again. They'll be appearing tonight at Seattle Lites on the waterfront. I'll be there with a sponge and my beagle.

And on a final note, the music world mourns the passing of the great Troll Troll DeTroll who introduced the world to the musical style known as Large People Banging On Something Which Vaguely Resembles A Drum Crossed With A Baby Grand Piano. He will be sorely missed, although most speculate his passing will have little effect on his playing ability.

Well, that's it for the Midnight Music Meltdown. Tune in tomorrow at 11:30 for another edition. Toodles.