Da world is full uv pricks. But youse probably already know that. I mets da bigest prick of dem all da other night, probably da stupidest one too. Hez a street sammy which is basiclly what I iz but I tell ya, sammyz like him give us all da downer image. He be standin der outside da bar, actin’ all human and happen, not even coverin’ hiz skin against da red rain cuz he though he wuz cool. I wuz just walkin in to get a beer or ten and da bum starts gettin into my face. He sez, “You think you ken beat me, you sloppy, bumpy, ugly, trog!”. To tell ya da truth, beatin him was da furthest thing from my mind till he started messin with me. I think I wuz ponderin’ those little fuzzy dice people hang frum der rear view mirrors. I wuz thinkin’ of gettin’ me a pair.

Anyways, hez all in my face, messin up my dice ponderin’, and poppin out blades and pullin gunz and stuff till he had a pair of smugs (dats SMGs to you lay people) and pointiy sharp things and eye lazers and all kinds of cyber toys and shit. Oops, I swore. In any case, he’z standin threre yellin “Bring it on!” and I, just for a mini second, thought about researchin’ just how many of those toyz he gots I could cram up hiz behind. But den I started thinkin, why give him what he wantz? So, I give him a big Brumby smile, and jander into da bar leavin him there with his gunz and pointy things and stuff standin in da red rain trying to act cool. I orders a few beerz and start thinkin that maybe just leaving him der aint so good a idea, either. So Brumby, being da big thinkin type guy I am, started ponderin how much hiz skin must be hurtin from da rain.

It wuz a tequila shooter that gave me the idea for da salt. I think he’z da only sammy who ever got his butt whipped by a seasoning.