"Tune in and find out the next
greatest trends in fashion and home! Wendel and Wendy scour the city for
the fanciest of the fancy. From lamps to linin, discover the next hot
item! Now that’s fancy!"
Now That’s Fancy! has a devoted
audience to say the least. Tens of millions watch, mouths agape in
anticipation, as Wendel and Wendy, twin elves, visit everything from
boutiques to pawn shops for that episode’s ‘fancy’ item. And what
determines what’s fancy? Those who take the program at face value say it
is the hosts' tastes and opinions that make the determination. But while
maintaining their classy demeanor and expert descriptions the hosts are
receiving message after message, offer after offer, from a variety of
major corporations looking to elevate their own product. Since the show is
aired live, Wendell and Wendy are somehow able to process this information
cybernetically while still maintaining their composure during the show.
And while they will throw in the occasional item that is in fact selected
by leveraging their real life actuarial abilities, a vast majority of the
products eventually chosen as a result of a manic, behind the scenes
And on the other side of the
equation, you have the fans. When something is declared fancy, they want
it. Like, NOW. Even if a corporation knows they won the bidding war, they
can’t exactly start cranking out tons of the selected product until it is
announced. This creates a very short gap between available supply and
demand, during which fans of the show, many of them upper-class citizens,
will spend ridiculous amounts of money and resources to acquire the item.
And in the off chance the item chosen is from a pawnshop or in finite
supply, devotees will sometimes go so far as to hire thugs or even teams
of shadowrunners to acquire this item. Runners have been well-paid and
face considerable risk, as those who already possess that item become will
go absolutely monkey shit to protect it.
"And Jesus, our Lord, came down
from heaven and declared us to not be worth saving! He said, fuck this,
and returned to heaven, leaving us sinners to clean up our mess ourselves!
And that’s what the devoted are here to do: Clean up sin, so when Jesus
checks in again, we will win!"
Having only really nailed down
that Jesus will be returning on a Thursday, Jesus Motherfucking Christ! is
mostly hot air as disgruntled 70 year olds describe elaborate and detailed
scenarios for cleaning up sin. And these solutions are detailed and hard
core. From bombing to bioweapons, the hosts provide schematics, formulas,
timetables and everything else one would need to execute a successful
attack. And what’s really scary is the accuracy of the information,
providing and indicator to the real possibility that these bleating
nutjobs were, or are, professionals in their highlighted industries.
Considering the information provided, while detailed, could eventually be
cobbled together after a romp around Google, authorities have had little
legal leverage in shutting the show down. And with the execution of Jesus
Motherfucking Christ! (sorry) scenarios resulting in no more damage than
the typical bullshit law enforcement faces every day, they’re pretty much
Corporations, however, LOVE Jesus
Motherfucking Christ! (The show this time, not necessarily the guy.)
Security services monitor the show with the hopes that their compound or
office will be featured so they can ramp up security and wait for some
idiot to actually try to execute the plan. Since the information provided
by the show is often time sensitive, the attempt, if any, generally comes
within a few days, or even hours, after the show is streamed. The best way
to understand the results is to watch a separate show, SecVid Today to see
publically released footage of compounds being attacked by ill meaning
rednecks in the wrong color camo who, while executing the plan well, are
no match for the 20 extra guards posted for the occasion.