Dear Masani Simsense Corporation,
My name is Jim LeVey and I'm writing in regards to your new Mr. Happy
Box children’s non-direct interface simsense player. My wife and I purchased
this product with the understanding that the neural effects on my child
would be minimal and was much surprised when, after utilizing your product
to experience the included Bobby Bunny Goes To The Carnival simchip, my
son made numerous attempts to decapitate the family cat. Now normally he
engages in such activities an infrequent two or three times a year but,
again, after viewing your chip it pretty much became a full time occupation.
I strongly suggest you look into the stability of your new interface system
and my lawyers will be contacting your shortly.
Dear Jim LeVey,
We here at the Masani Simsense Corporation are terribly, awfully
sorry for the troubles our new system has caused. For the last week and
a half we've been simply sick with worry and loss of sleep to the point
that many of our executives double faulted during their racquetball games.
So, in an effort to quell both your pain and ours, we will shortly be sending
a small box to your dwelling containing a new player, a variety of simchips,
and a special surprise that will be so spectacular you'll never even remembered
that this unfortunate event ever occurred. Enjoy.
Masani Simsense Corporation
Dear Detronic Weapons,
I go by the street name of Cougar, although I was considering changing
it to Pissed after attempting to utilize your new Super Kill-2000 SMG.
I was being chased by a group of go gangers and decided to take a few shots
at them with my new gun at which time the barrel burst into flames, further
igniteing my clothing, my car, and Mr. Evan Sudpuger, a corporate official
I had recently kidnapped. I expect full compensation for financial damage
sustained because of your weapon.
We apologize for the malfunction of our weapon and are currently
shipping you several replacements along with 40,000 nuyen worth of high
quality concrete via helicopter. It should be arriving through your dwelling
any day now.
Dear Renraku Corporation,
During a recent tour of your Seattle based archology one of your guards
misinterpreted my statement “I got a run” as saying “I got a gun” at which
point to grabbed be and dragged me into an interrogation room where they
subjected me to heinous torture in an attempt to retrieve information I
didn’t even have and, besides, every time I tried to answer they’d jab
me with a 40,000 volt cattle prod and cut off another one of my fingers
and then pour boiling water over my face. Is this how you treat your guests?
I just wanted to let you know that I am terribly upset and that you will
be hearing from my lawyer very soon.
Dear Alice Menassas,